Some people shave before bathing.
And about people who bathe before shaving they are scathing.
While those who bathe before shaving,
Well, they imply that those who shave before bathing are misbehaving.
Suppose you shave before bathing,
well the advantage is that you don't have to make a special job of washing the lather afterwards,
it just floats off with the rest of your accumulations in the tub.
But the disadvantage is that before bathing you skin is hard
and dry and your beard confronts the razor like a grizzly bear defending its cub.
Well then, suppose you bathe before shaving,
well the advantage is that after bathing your skin is soft
and moist and your beard positively begs for the blade.
But the disadvantage is that to get the lather off you have to wash your face all over again at the basin almost immediately after washing in the tub,
which is a duplication of effort that leaves me spotless but dismayed.
The referee reports, gentlemen, that Fate has loaded the dice,
Since your only choice is between walking around all day with a sore chin
or washing your face twice.
So I will now go and get a shave from a smug man in a crisp white coat,
And I will disrupt his smugness by asking him about his private life,
does he bathe before shaving or shave before bathing,
and then I will die either of laughing or of a clean cut throat.
And about people who bathe before shaving they are scathing.
While those who bathe before shaving,
Well, they imply that those who shave before bathing are misbehaving.
Suppose you shave before bathing,
well the advantage is that you don't have to make a special job of washing the lather afterwards,
it just floats off with the rest of your accumulations in the tub.
But the disadvantage is that before bathing you skin is hard
and dry and your beard confronts the razor like a grizzly bear defending its cub.
Well then, suppose you bathe before shaving,
well the advantage is that after bathing your skin is soft
and moist and your beard positively begs for the blade.
But the disadvantage is that to get the lather off you have to wash your face all over again at the basin almost immediately after washing in the tub,
which is a duplication of effort that leaves me spotless but dismayed.
The referee reports, gentlemen, that Fate has loaded the dice,
Since your only choice is between walking around all day with a sore chin
or washing your face twice.
So I will now go and get a shave from a smug man in a crisp white coat,
And I will disrupt his smugness by asking him about his private life,
does he bathe before shaving or shave before bathing,
and then I will die either of laughing or of a clean cut throat.
Selected Poems of Ogden Nash - I Wouldn't Have Missed It
